she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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