Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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