Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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