the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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