Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
