My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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