just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
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