Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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