quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
