i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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