Please, let me fuck your mom
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Houston, we have a blender
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
