Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
