How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
