I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
