My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
