ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
