I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
