I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
