once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
