I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
