I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
