dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize