i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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