4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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