I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
