I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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