So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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