Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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