oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
