He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
