the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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