Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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