Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
