No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
