Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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