i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
