Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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