She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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