what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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