i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
3 2 1 whiskey
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
