I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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