we made out on top of his cat.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
