Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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