well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
