first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
they need to just BURY HIM!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
