Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
