so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
and she was petting her beer can
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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