kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
