an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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