I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
