best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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