We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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