was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
