I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
