I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The struggles of a small town man whore
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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