I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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