Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
