forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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