I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
