Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
