I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
