the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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