This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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