maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
