I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
