Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
