it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
