I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
