I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize