pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
