youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
