Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
