Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
