there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
